Why fathers don’t need to be outdoor experts to take their sons outside
Most fathers want to spend more time outdoors with their sons because they intuitively know it matters.
But many hesitate. Not because they don’t want to, but because they think they need to be the expert guide – confident with navigation, survival skills, wildlife. They worry: Will I deliver something exciting enough? Do I know what I’m doing?
I’m convinced that this is a total red herring, and that the opposite is true.
So often, thanks to TV programmes, memes and shorts, boys arrive talking about “extreme survival.” A boy and his dad arrived in the woods for a weekend, and the son came out with the classic “Can we hunt a deer?” The dad looked understandably worried (ummm, I can barely tie a knot!). I suggested that the boy started by putting up a tent.
Half an hour later, the lad came swaggering back, announcing he’d practically put up the tent by himself… and whether he could now have a biscuit. His dad, visibly relieved, went off to make a cup of tea.
Everyone got what they needed, and were ready for more.
The boy learned a useful outdoor skill – but more importantly, he was doing something real without being managed through it. His dad didn’t need to perform competence. He just needed to be there – close enough to notice and far enough back not to interfere.
Why not knowing everything is actually better
Kids don’t want a curriculum, or anything that feels like just more school. They don’t want philosophy or lessons, what they respond to most is the absence of an agenda.
In other words, climbing a tree is much more important than knowing what tree you’re climbing.
Expertise doesn’t just fail to help – it often gets in the way. The real challenge is containing the urge to direct. That’s harder than it sounds when everything we’re taught about fatherhood involves Taking Charge and Teaching Things.
Being equals in a shared experience changes the dynamic completely.
The unexpected power of doing less
Less Is More: this is one of the most important insights I learned for my parenting and my outdoor career.
It sounds simple, but it isn’t, because it goes against the cultural (and very indoorsy) grain. If you can be disobedient in this respect you will find that, paradoxically, children learn precisely the independence and agency that you wish for them. When you step back and quit aiming for a Win, boys will generate their own ideas, discover their own interests, and you get to enjoy it alongside them rather than managing it.
If this kind of letting go resonates, then “Where Did You Go? Out. What Did You Do? Nothing.” by Robert Paul Smith is well worth reading. It was hugely influential on me both as a father and as an outdoor guide.
You don’t need expert knowledge – you just need to go outside
Outdoor time works not because it’s special, but because it’s real.
And it seems to matter most during a particular stretch of boyhood — something I’ve written about in more depth elsewhere.
The world itself is rich and full of stimuli. Once the boots are on and the wind is in your son’s face, Bear Grylls is forgotten and reality takes his place – and it’s glorious. Weather, terrain, fatigue and time all have a say, and none of them accept the excuses that work indoors.
The father doesn’t need to be the action hero, just the one who went outside. And brought biscuits.
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Everything I’ve described here is what Feral Fathers weekends are designed to make possible — not through instruction, but by creating the right conditions and getting out of the way.
Feral Fathers runs woodland weekends for fathers and children (ages 8+) and wild camping expeditions in the hills (ages 12+).
Learn more about woodland weekends →
Learn more about expeditions →
Email: cpacke@yahoo.co.uk | WhatsApp: 07940 272474